Previously in this series: Ride with Pride: With changing times, LGBTQ truckers move more confidently in spite of lingering harassment
The fear of harassment, and even violence, is ever-present for many LGBTQ truckers. In an industry that’s traditionally reflected a hyper-masculinity, Balay says gay men and trans women report the greatest sense of perceived danger. Truck stop parking lots, restrooms and showers are areas of concern for most LGBTQ truckers, including Durh.
She dresses like a woman, but when she enters a women’s truck stop restroom late in the day, she’s worried about her five o’clock shadow. She says she’s “had dirty looks from cashiers and other truckers in the bathrooms. All the bathrooms are single stalls, but going in and coming out is worrisome. Same with using the showers — you never know.” She parks as close to the building as possible and tries to arrive before dark.
Even though trucking has been good to him, Bobby Coffey-Loy says he and his husband, Ricky Coffey-Loy, are always on high alert at truck stops and try to keep a low profile. “Doing simple things together is not easy for us,” he says.
They’ve been together for 11 years and married for three. The two are sons of truck drivers and started out driving over-the-road as a team. Now they drive regionally as company drivers for Expeditus Freight, based in Sylvania, Ohio.
While they feel welcome in the Expeditus corporate culture, that acceptance is sometimes lacking elsewhere. Once, after leaving a truck stop in California, they realized they kept having to adjust their brakes, so they finally went to a service shop. “The mechanic explained that someone who knew what they were doing had expertly unadjusted the chambers and brakes,” says Bobby Coffey-Loy, marketing manager and site administrator for the LGBT Truckers Facebook Group. “It was only a matter of time before we would have wrecked.”
“We’ve had places where nobody cares what we do and others where we have been informed that the showers are only for singles,” he says. “When I explain that we are married, it doesn’t seem to change their minds, even when I point out heterosexual couples entering together. It’s embarrassing.” Lately, he’s spotted shower signs saying, “Singles only.”
