Every day someone is shot, someone dies in a car wreck or two, and a couple of places burn to the ground — the usual stuff. In winter, two-thirds of the broadcast is dedicated to wondering if it will snow and just how many horrible car crashes there will be as a result, and in the summertime two-thirds of the broadcast is dedicated to wondering just how long we will have to wait for rain and the speculation of ruin for the local farmers. Suffice it to say that Dayton, Ohio, is not at the pinnacle of success in newscasting. This is one of the reasons it makes it so interesting to watch when there actually is news.
At 4:44 the news announcers are primed and ready; they are virtually salivating to be the first to tell you about the grim horror that has unfolded overnight during the three and a half hours they were not actually on air. The light goes on and the camera zooms in on a very worried-looking anchorman.
“Good morning ladies and gentlemen, we have breaking news! At approximately one fifty five a.m. there was a terrible smell reported at the corner of Grand and Lester Avenue. Let’s go to our on the scene reporter, Howard Iwishiweredead, Howard, can you explain the scene now?”
Howard appears, looking very worried and somewhat rumpled. He is usually standing in the midst of some unspeakable weather pattern that involves wind, rain and feral cats. You wonder immediately just how much Howard gets paid for doing this.
“Yes Jim, we’re on the scene of Grand and Lester Avenue here in Buttville where a terrible smell was reported around one fifty five a.m.! In a moment we’ll have aerial footage from our Chopper 7 of the area, but right now let’s talk to an eyewitness! Ma’am!? Did you in fact report the smell?”
Here’s where there is apparently no filter whatsoever. They will randomly pick anyone off the street to be an eyewitness.
