We’re in the Southwest a lot this time of year avoiding the snow and general yuckiness of the weather North of I-40. It’s nice being in the warm sunshine when everyone else is freezing their ears off, but when a place has warm sunshine all the time, bugs never die. Consequently, you get giant Mongolian cattle-size spiders because the weather never kills them and they just grow and grow. A 25-year-old wolf spider has an approximate leg span of 40 feet and body weight of 75 pounds. The spiders in South Texas are so big they strap saddles to them and put them in rodeos. Small children who make a scene by screaming for Starbucks in the food court are fed to them.
OK, so maybe not quite that big, but there are some formidable spiders in South Texas.
We spent the night in the desert, and since George won’t let me wear my cowboy boots in the bunk, my toes were an open buffet for any wanton blood-sucking creature that may have happened to lurk into the truck any of the 97 times we opened one of the doors that day.
The baby toe on my right foot was swollen and ouchie the next morning.
“Look at my toe! It’s all puffy and red.”
“It’s probably from wearing cowboy boots all the time. I can’t look at your toe, I’m driving.”
“My cowboy boots fit perfectly, it’s a– OH MY GOD THERE ARE FANG MARKS!”